Stormy Day Production
by Mint Pizza Queen
Summary: The stage is set. Sasuke has everything that he needs. Now all he needs to do is get the plan into motion. Of course, Naruto isn't going to go that easy on him. SasuNaru. ONESHOT. [COMPLETED]


_**A/N:** I blame this all on my friends in school. Specifically Tripsyr, but that's beside the point. She requested this crackshot. There were some things I had to include and they were the following:_

_-SasuNaru.  
-Hot chocolate  
-Handcuffs  
-Bowtie on Naruto's Junior.  
-French maid outfit_

_Even as you continue to read this, I question my sanity for taking this but all well. It's utterly pointless.  
_

_**Warning:** Rated for themes, language, kinkiness, lack of plot, and crack._

_**Notes:** Some OOCness, but that's to be expected when a French maid outfit is involved, yaoi. And since there is no such thing as French in Naruto, it's merely a maid outfit. Kay?_

_**Notes Part II: **Just who is the seme and who is the uke here? XD _

_**Disclaimer:** Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto  
_

* * *

**Stormy Day Production**  
by _Mint Pizza Queen _

* * *

Sasuke was pleased.

Very please to be exact.

The weather was horrible--blasting wind and rain on the poor village, threatening to rip apart any fool that dared to tread the paths of destruction. No missions were abound because of said weather, so he was still in his house snuggling in the warmth of the fireplace. Even better, Naruto was in his house because his apartment had flooded out due to heavy rains the night prior to this one.

The stage was set. It couldn't be better than this.

Let's recheck the setting.

Bad weather. Sasuke's house. Naruto's with him.

In addition, he's got a set of handcuffs under the cushion of the sofa and a special something hanging behind the door to the linen closet.

It couldn't get any better than this.

Actually, it could, but Sasuke was a patient ninja. Yes, yes he was. A very patient ninja indeed. He could wait until the blond woke up.

He fidgeted on the couch and eyed the door.

Okay, it was a lie. He couldn't wait anymore.

He reached under the cushion, looped a finger around a cuff, and pulled out the object. He began to swing the cuffs as he sashayed down the hallway to his room in which his favorite bundle of energy was currently lying in a deep snooze. He stopped by the bed and looked down.

So sweet, so innocent, what an angelic expression--

--soon to be lost in about 3.2 seconds.

Sasuke pounced and Naruto let out a startled squawk.

"AACK! S-sasuke? What are you--"

Sasuke latched the cuffs onto the blond's wrists and locked them behind the headboard.

"What the hell!?" Naruto tugged at his restraints. "What are you doing?" His blue eyes widened when it suddenly dawned on him. "Oh hell no--"

The Uchiha actually had the audacity to grin cheekily. "Oh yes."

Naruto began to thrash, kicking out his legs and knocked the bastard off the bed. "YOU ASSHOLE! We spent the entire night doing that shit! I'm tired, and I want my sleep!"

Sasuke made a face to show he was offended by Naruto's outburst. "How could you call what we did shit? Consider it bonding, uniting as one, making love..."

"You dick, you ass raped me." The blond scowled.

"And you liked it."

Naruto harrumphed. "Fuck you."

Sasuke placed a finger to his chin. "No, not me. I believe it's you."

The blond looked horrified for a moment when something devious crossed his face. He inhaled slowly, causing Sasuke to quirk an eyebrow when he suddenly began to shriek--loudly.

"RAAAAAPE! SASUKE'S RAPING ME!"

"Shut up, idiot! I am not!"

"AAAAAH! ITACHI YOUR BROTHER IS A PERVERT!"

"I'll take the cuffs off if you shut up!"

The blond instantly hushed. He stared intently at the Uchiha who was currently fighting a losing battle with a twitchy eye.

"I'll take them off, BUT!" He held up a finger. "You've got to put something on for me."

Naruto narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

* * *

Oh, hot damn, he was good. No, he was better than good, he was freaking great.

_Believe it._

So, upon revealed to Naruto what he had to wear, the blond instantly went red in the face and started to twitch. He didn't argue, instead, he allowed Sasuke to undo the cuffs, and then stood before the Uchiha staring intently at the outfit.

"You want me to wear that?"

Nod.

"You seriously want _me _to wear _that_?"

A ponderous gaze followed quickly by vigorous nodding.

"You, Uchiha Sasuke, want me, Uzumaki Naruto, to wear a maid's outfit?"

An annoyed expression was followed by rapid nodding that if it were done by any normal person would cause whiplash and brain damage.

Naruto nodded back at him. "Ah, okay." Tenderly, he retrieved the outfit from the hanger and observed it.

Sasuke's anticipation was building. He felt he could burst into a pile of confetti.

The blond turned it in various directions before turning to Sasuke with a sweet expression on his face. "I don't think so."

"Huh?"

He suddenly found the same outfit thrown at his face and the heavy thumping of a certain blond's attempt at a futile escape. He tore off the outfit and gave chase.

* * *

_Around the sofa and tearing through the kitchen, the two ninjas are looking to be very determined the beat the other! Oh, would you look at that, Sasuke slipped and skidded across the floor, but he's still not giving up! He's running on both his hands and feet! What a race! Who will be the one to cross the finish line!? Look! It appears Naruto is going to attempt to do a hurdle jump with the couch! Will he make it? Will he--_

_--Oh!__Sasuke just body slammed him in the air and they are now down on the floor! I see feathers! I see cotton stuffing flying! They must've torn a pillow or two. What a fight! Who will win? Who will leave victorious?_

* * *

Sasuke slapped the handcuffs back onto a pair of wrists and looped them around the same headboard, dropping back onto the floor breathing heavily. 

"I HAAAATE YOOOOOOOU, YOOOOU ASSSSSSSSSHOOOOOLE!"

It was hard, but he won. His little bundle of energy was bristling with anger, kicking his feet and swearing up a storm that would make even Kyuubi blush.

But that maid outfit looked so damn cute!

And it was time that Naruto learned that too.

"But Naruto," Sasuke gently tapped the blond's nose with a smile. "You look very nice in this outfit. Besides, it's not like you're going anywhere or anyone is coming here, right?"

"Erm..."

"It's so blustery outside, no one would even think about that, now why worry? It'll only be me seeing you. And it's not like I'm going to take pictures or anything."

The blond blushed hard that his hair seemed like it was changing red too.

"How about this," Sasuke pulled away. "I won't make you have sex with me, but you have to wear that outfit for me today. I'll throw in some of my homemade hot chocolate for you."

"I--" Naruto looked hesitant. Uncomfortable and hesitant. He groaned and finally gave a pout. "Fine, but you owe me **bigtime**."

"Thank you!"

* * *

"So, how's the chocolate?" Naruto settled down on the couch next to Sasuke with a mug of said chocolate and fidgeted. "It's good." He fidgeted again.

"What's wrong?" Sasuke stretched back to allowed Naruto to lean on him.

Naruto took the invitation. "It feels weird."

"What? The two of us sitting here together? The outfit?"

"Well," Naruto pulled at the hem of the very short apron and cringed. "It feels weird sitting on your sofa without underwear."

"But you do that all the time whenever we're--"

"--THAT'S--" Naruto broke in. "--that's not the point. It feels--empty--down there."

Sasuke gave him a sympathetic look before he snapped his fingers. "I know, I'll be right back." Naruto sat up and watched as the Uchiha dashed down the hallway. A few seconds later he returned with his hands behind his back.

"Whatever it is, I'm not wearing it."

"Oh come on, it's nothing bad."

"That grin is telling me otherwise."

"Naruto, if you don't like it, you can take it off," Sasuke pulled out a bowtie as he kneeled in front of Naruto and lifted up the hem of the apron.

The blond squeaked and looked away, face burning brilliantly.

"There you go!" Sasuke patted his leg to show he was finished and the blond hesitantly turned to look. His mouth dropped open.

"Wha--wha--"

"Isn't it cute!?"

"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

Sasuke learned a very important lesson that day.

Hot chocolate burns.

**-fin-**


End file.
